


Words

by eternalshiva



Series: Mass Effect: Kaidan x Shepard [3]
Category: Mass Effect
Genre: F/M, Mass Effect 2 End game Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-02-13
Updated: 2012-02-13
Packaged: 2017-10-31 01:50:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,939
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/338559
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eternalshiva/pseuds/eternalshiva
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Before she knew it, Shepard fell in love with the sound of gravity, mass effect and singularity coming from of his perfect lips and she couldn't stop the momentum. M for language. ME2 Spoilers.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Words

**Warning -** This isn't beta'd, it may be in the future once my beta re-appears and decides I'm cool enough to be spoken to again. Suffer through my commas, my run-on sentences and Canadian words.

Also, this deals with ME2 Ending. If you haven't beat it yet, well you're spoiled now.

* * *

**Words**  
By eternalshiva  
One-Shot Dabble @ 3,995 words ** _  
_**

Kaidan / Femshep **  
**

* * *

Shepard shifted, groaned silently when the loose rocks dug through the cracks of her armour and bit at the dense material. She laid on her back, eyes screwed shut to fend off the wave of ache that washed through her. She paused, unwilling to move further until the world stopped spinning.

 _Or at least once this rock stops spinning,_ she mused bitterly.

She dared not move, her brain felt rattled and she wasn't sure if everything was alright just then because _he_ was still speaking inside her head - the low rumble of his timbre was all she could think of. Despite it all, despite the war that raged and tore at everything, her mind had a momentary disconnect.

Her memory focused on _his mouth_.

Shepard sighed as she allowed herself to listen once again. Each inviting sound escaping his languid lips drew her further into her past. The sharp prick of need sliced through the ache of her tired muscles when the words he spoke dripped, fell silently like water at her feet. She relished at the vibration of his voice against the imbued chaos that always swallowed her whole.

Shepard wiggled her toes, then her fingers - her mind's eye wandered once more on her fascination with the one man she allowed to let herself love, to cherish.

_His lips._

They _always_ moved flawlessly. Always moved confidently across each verb and complex conjugation with such ease it had immediately caught her attention the first time she met the Lieutenant. She couldn't get enough of them - these syllables that glided and tripped across his mouth, capturing her full and undivided attention. Shepard felt the curl of her lip grace her stubborn mouth - he would never know how she relied on the memory of these words to stay grounded in this hellish mission.

She stretched her shoulders, working them back out of their stiffness.

His words enveloped her, surrounded her very core with complicated feelings she didn't understand at the time. They stilled the beast inside of her that always itched for violence. They stumbled painfully across her soul, dripped into her mind like a strange drug she couldn't go without. Because of this strange feeling, this odd occurrence that had sneaked up on her - she would oftentimes find herself at his station, talking to him just so he would speak. Always willing to indulge her curiosity, the man that stood before her would use large and complicated words that always made her eyes drop down to his lips.

She didn't think he knew, but he knew why she always came to see him since he felt the same about her. Shepard snapped the vertebrae in her neck, repressing an oncoming headache and she tried not let out another sigh.

She ached to hear them again - his logic, his opinion on the current situation she had successfully cornered herself in. She hated it when her mind was chaotic. It was restless and unrefined against the battle she had forcefully brought to this solitary cube of space. The heavy realisation that she felt lost without the rhythmic resonance of his _words_ was dragging her self-doubt in the open and she was having trouble pushing it back down to the darkest depth of her memory.

She dared to open her eyes - the large and oppressing chamber was still there - _Oh good, I'm not in a nightmare_.

Swallowing back the bile that threaten to take over her mouth, she pushed herself upright. Her left shoulder throbbed from her impact against the rock but it was minor compared to the uncomfortable feel of her mind firing fragments of memory that had begun to pour out of the past.

Why now? Why _this_ moment to flood her senses with regret and nostalgia? She rose to her feet, pushed away the confusion while adjusting her weapons on her back. _Now isn't the time, Shepard._ She forged on forward in the depth of her enemy's base.

"Status?" Her voice crackled across the communicators, strained but still powerful. One, two, three seconds pass and a foreboding silence continued to greet her. She nibbled her lower lip with a frown but eventual groans and grunts tickled her ears.

Relief spread across her face in the confines of her helm but it captured her memory's attention.

It wasn't the first time that silence had made her nervous but there was a time when it was everything she had needed, especially from _him_. His unspoken words when she sat next to him in the Mako were usually the most entertaining. His ashen face would always make her grin when she decided the mountain _could be driven over_ , despite the eighty-nine degree angle that had him gasp in worry - white knuckled and everything.

His silence was always noisy, always loud in her ears.

She had entirely attuned herself to everything that he was. She was intimately familiar with everything that he was, all the unspoken words with his mouth, his eyes and his body - she understood them all. He could never be silent, even if he wanted to. The hum of his biotics always pulled against her own, an ache in her teeth she quickly grew accustomed to.

She shook her head, shaking herself free of the past - the group moved to the next area. _Damn, another closed gate_.

"Tali, take the tunnel and break through, we'll meet you on the other side. Second team with Garrus, lets clear out." She ordered, her tone far more steady then she felt - chaos, fear and the constant strum of unsteady confidence threaten to overwhelm her at any moment.

But he was _still speaking_ inside her mind.

His words changed over time, Shepard thought - she knew it was because of this complicated feeling. They had become softer, _secret_ and always caressed everything they touched around her. He spoke these electric words _only to her_ and she couldn't understand why they made her want to reach across the empty space between them and grasp them delicately. She wanted to carry them in her pocket , couldn't deny the juvenile need to reference them in a later conversation. She was sure they would have one in the middle of the night over a game of cards or even over a bite of their endless biotic appetites.

It wasn't until the day Williams died she understood _why_ these words were so important, so _life saving_.

"Collectors, at your two, Shepard." Garrus spoke gravely into the communicator, she eyed the beasts and flared into a beautiful biotic blue. It was controlled, silent and honed into perfection despite the new implants. She knew it was thanks to all those late night obsession conferences with _him_ in regards to their gravitational weapons of mass destruction.

As the collector floated helplessly, she took aim with her Widow, steadied the shot and took it out with a clean hit to the head.

The Lieutenant had discovered early on that his Commander had never really been interested in her powers. Of course, Shepard mused, this was before she discovered her fascination with his complex sentences structures.

Since her powers had manifested, she had been more concerned with _how to blow shit up_ , but he had made her interested in how they worked. She would sit with him, inside her room or at the mess, and discuss various schematics on her L3 implants, his L2 implants and the latest studies available to increase their power output.

Before she knew it, Shepard fell in love with the sound of _gravity, mass effect_ and _singularity_ coming from his perfect lips and she couldn't stop the momentum. It didn't help her growing obsession when she thrived to hear them more often and she would read up on everything he spoke of. Anything to keep up with their conversations, any opportunity to greedily lap at his words was justified. A prompt to speak longer and in far more detail than needed was always a win-win situation.

" _Shepard!_ It's hot in here!" Tali's voice was bordering on panic. The Commander felt the adrenaline rush through her veins in response and began to shoot faster, if not more accurately.

"Hold on Tali, almost there!"

Her shoulder recoiled against the blast of her pistol, she smirked when the slug sloshed through the collector and dropped him solidly to the ground in a smouldering fire. She winced at strain of her muscles as she leaped over obstacles, rushed across platforms to vent out the heat that was killing her tech specialist.

All at once, everyone on her team began to speak, yelling and even question the decision to send in the Quarian into the vents. Tali emerged from behind the doors, Shepard would almost feel her friend's grin behind the purple mask.

 _Safe, thank goodness_.

The Commander was swept up by the sudden chaos of everyone, her control loosening and a resounding _Shut up!_ slipped out, quieting her crew. It triggered another memory that she had carefully tucked away. A memory she used on those days when she needed to remember she was _human_ and not a Cerberus android.

_Shut up, Lieutenant, and come here._

Her imperfect and broken lips had crashed against his perfect ones. Their first kiss - heated and desperate - struggled to come into maturity under the endless stream of pressure that could easily destroy their budding relationship.

She was _sure_ this particular kiss was unfairly stealing away his words and that, she would later wake from this _incredible_ adventure and speak in a new language that had imprinted itself in her mouth. His touch against her skin whispered promises she held on to, even now, through their silent and explosive love making. She easily recalled how his mouth moved expertly against her own, his fingers burned unspoken words she clearly understood for the first time since this game had begun.

Her name had spilled, broken on his lips from his pleasure. The gentle warmth of his voice cracked like lightning, electrifying her senses into an oblivion she had never experienced with someone before. He had rendered her speechless with his quiet confessions, the intensity of his emotion promptly made her forget to carefully place every sound she swallowed from him away.

And then...

Shepard frowned, the memory had become suddenly unpleasant.

Her name had sounded entirely different on the communicator when the Normandy had died. When _she_ had died, leaving him alone in the cold darkness of space with the echo of his beautiful words falling on deaf ears.

 _Her name had sounded broken with grief_.

Shepard focused her attention on Miranda, pushing the memory away that she still couldn't accept belonged to her. This woman had woken her from the grips of death but she had not woken her from a nightmare that only one man could soothe.

All the voices that surrounded her since then were hollow, devoid of colour and life.

She only wanted one voice, only wanted...

"Seeker swarms, Shepard. We need a biotic to form a shield to protect a team that will go through the chamber." Miranda looked at her expectantly, Shepard narrowed her eyes.

A Biotic... There's only _one_ biotic she wanted next to her in this insane mission but _he wasn't here_. She missed the sound of his omni-tool beeping to life when he calculated the possibility of survival, his goofy tactical input and _no contacts_. She liked watching him hack into everything in sight, it had been a game they played to break the monotonous missions, not because they needed every credit and possible weapon upgrade to survive a suicide mission.

Hers. He was _her_ biotic and the only one she ever wanted to rely on.

"Jack, you're with me." Shepard reloaded her thermal clips, frowning when the foreign feel of Jack's biotics surrounded them in a protective barrier while they moved through the room filled with Seekers. The last time she felt _his_ biotics was when he lost the tiniest bit of control in the throes of lust during shore leave, a few days before...

 _Now isn't the time_ , she thought as she shot down the oncoming husk, moments before it could breach the barrier Jack carefully supported. An Abomination lurked in the background - Shepard shuddered but Jack's swearing snapped her out of her fears, rising in volume as Subject Zero strained under the attack of the robotic insects.

 _Empty, colourless words_ , Shepard thought, despite their colourful nature.

Chaos, destruction lay behind them - one moment of fear gripped Shepard as Jack tripped, lost the shield but they were almost through. The door slid shut, locking behind them. The Commander bent down, helping Jack to her feet while the troubled woman tried to shake the grip of fear from the pit of her stomach.

" _Fuck_ I hate Husks, shit!" she was out of breath and still glowed an eerie blue that only reminded Shepard of _him_.

Miranda's voice cut through her thick and unrelenting memory.

"Shepard, you need to see this."

The Commander placed her weapon into the holster on her back, quickly moved up the few steps that separated her from the rest of the crew. Something had Miranda's complete attention.

Shepard's step faltered, and she stopped in her tracks.

_"Shit."_

Not exactly the best word she could find, but it was the best that suited her emotion.

Pods lined the walls of the cave, thousands upon thousands hummed in silence. Her eyes quickly skimmed the area, her gaze landing on those nearest them.

A familiar face.

"Kelly's in there." She pointed at one, and then noticed more people in the other pods.

 _Shit, were these_ all _humans?_

"Are the colonists from Horizon here too?" Tali asked off-hand, her three fingers tested the flexibility of the container, as though she was trying to figure out how to get the crew out without it being messy. Her omni-tool sprung to life.

 _Horizon_.

The word slammed into Shepard's psyche like a misfired singularity.

She tried to push away the memory but it came at her, hot and filled with unspoken regret. His voice, his words flooded her mind and she couldn't help but shudder openly.

Her whole world had coloured when she had seen him come around that container - _Alive, he's not on the Collector ship, thank God_.

Her relief made her blind to his mood.

Her eyes fell directly onto his lips, anticipating their sounds but there was something wrong with his mouth. His perfect pout was strained, curled in the wrong direction and his eyes were devoid of warmth and bore into her with some unknown emotion he usually directed at something unpleasant.

The words, when they finally spilled from between the perfection of his lips produced a sound that had _hurt_.

It hurt _both_ of them.

The way the words fell from his mouth, each syllable broken with jagged edges that scraped across the empty space between them like nails across a proverbial chalk board were said without restraint. He was _dying_ , she could see it clearly and she wanted nothing more than stop time and re-group.

_Traitor._

_Betrayal._

_Loved._

Shepard felt herself sink into the center of the planet. She wanted to explain the truth, her death, but the discord of his words had misaligned her expectations from fantasy, emotion and reality. Suddenly the ramifications of what Cerberus had truly done to her had never been clearer.

She wanted to gather up his broken words from the ground into her small and shaking hands.

She wanted to glue them back together and beg for his forgiveness.

She wanted to say the all the right thing so he would stop looking so pained, so lost, so broken.

She would have done _anything_ to stop the awful horrid sounds that was crushing both their hearts.

But, whenever she spoke, the words _wouldn't come out right_. Every time she tried to explain, her careful thought-out words would stick to the inside of her teeth and wedge themselves between her lips. The pain that lumped into her chest would weigh down her tongue to the point where she was sure only silence or stupidity was allowed to be processed by her brain.

 _Not now, not now!_ She screamed inside her mind. His scowl was clouding every happy memory in an instant.

She almost didn't hear the strange hissing and gargling sound coming from the pods.

"Get them out, quickly!" Shepard shouted when she noticed something alarming about one colonist. She was _melting_ inside the pod. The Commander stared for barely a moment, her shock kicking her free of her dissonant reunion. The colonist's muffled screams tore through Shepard but it was too late.

 _He could have died here..._ she thought fearfully when one body spilled out of the pod, bodily fluids splashed on her feet and numbed her into stupor. Despite everything, she still loved him and she was sure he still loved her. She couldn't blame him, she probably would have reacted the same way if they were in opposite situations.

Chaos erupted after her team freed the Normandy crew from their pods. The stench of blood and flesh lingered and clung to her armour and the inside of Shepard's brain. Quickly, she assigned Mordin to take the crew back to the ship and to hold the line there.

She took a moment to breathe and eyed her surroundings, narrowing her eyes when they fell onto the platforms. She needed long ranged weapons or biotics. The sounds of Collectors buzzed around them, she felt a chill when Harbringer's voice echoed around them.

 _Don't lose your nerve now_.

"Miranda, Garrus, you're with me." She was surprised how her voice seemed so steady coming out of her mouth. She was sure everyone could see her shaking. "Everyone else, hold the line and stay alive." Shepard stood up, stepped on one of the platforms and headed towards the center of the base to ready the charges. She needed to finish this mission and head home to _him_ , even if it was a hopeless situation.

_Well, if I survive a suicide mission, getting Kaidan back should be a walk in the park, right?_

_You keep telling yourself that, Skipper._ Shepard felt the tang of unshed tears when Ash's voice laughed across her thoughts. _Another regret_.

Her sights were filled with his fighting posture as her small cell brought down the horde of Collectors swarming them from various platforms.

They were efficient, deadly in precision. No bullet wasted. But, things never went smoothly. Her eyes tried to focus on the large shape in the distance. Whatever it was, it wasn't good news, if she trusted the dread in her gut. She pulled her M-920 Cain from its holster, flicked it on and waited patiently for it to warm up.

_Shit. Is that thing shaped like a human?_

Shepard stared in horror at this abomination as she realised that this is where all her brethren had ended up.

They quickly figured out that it was hell-bent on destroying them.

Shepard struggled to keep her team together - Cain was still warming, taking it's time. _Nuclear fusion wasn't something that could be instantly available_ , she reminded herself every time she aimed and tried to pump the trigger to release its _hell-in-a-bullet_.

They shot down the tubes that processed every missing human into its cybernetics, the reaper fell and she was surprised she didn't have to introduce her team to _The Cain_.

Another day, perhaps?

A heaving sound, snaps and the ground shook.

 _Nope_. Shepard stood unsteadily, took aim at the third eye in its forehead when its head popped up from below the platform. She resisted the urge to say _Hasta la Vista_.

She fired.

The recoil took her by surprise - the floor was far too unsteady to manage a good footing and she fell backwards on her ass.

She laughed.

From her awkward position on the ground, she was remembering when she had casually mentioned to _him_ that _they would need bigger guns_ to take down the Thorian. _The Cain_ was probably not what he would had been referring to, but he would have approved - maybe even laughed it up with her, had he been here.

The thought sobered her up seconds before her hearing stopped buzzing from the loud explosion of a small nuclear bomb getting eaten by the reaper's mouth.

Shepard flicked the Cain on a second time - blinking a blank stare at Miranda when her incessant screeching finally reached her.

" _ **Are you insane? What the fuck is that thing? You're going to get us all killed!**_ _"_

Shepard only smirked and fired it again before the Human Reaper recovered. She wouldn't deny that watching Miranda's perfect face pale in horror as she dashed to hide behind something didn't amuse her to no end. It was the first time she had managed to take the woman by surprise.

Garrus, on the other hand, only grunted.

She could almost see him rolling his eyes, muttering under his breath that _Commander Fucking Shepard liked her exploding toys a little bit too much._ And she would be inclined to agree with his assessment.

This time, she didn't fall back on her ass, but the human shaped reaper certainly fell on _his_. And it was _glorious_.

She watched it fall down the shaft of the large ship, she frowned and wondered if she should count the seconds it takes for it to hit the bottom but she decided against it. They were still alive and wasting precious time to see how deep the endless abyss was would probably tempt fate to drag her back into death.

Shepard wondered what Kaidan would say right about now as she pushed the charges inside their allotted target. But her musing were first interrupted by the Illusive Man and then the Harbinger's persistent and resonate voice that hammered through her skull.

She denied them both the satisfaction of victory and set the charges, only to fall when the base shook from all her suffered destruction at the hand of Shepard.

Scowling, the commander recovered first, dragged her team through the remainder of the base to the waiting Normandy. Shepard tried to ignore the ugly invasion of the alien words inside her mind.

She wouldn't allow them to imprint themselves, there was only one voice that was allowed to torture her.

More collectors, more empty words - her resolve would not be shaken. She was getting out of here. She would _not allow_ anything to prevent her from watching his lips again. Nothing would prevent her from kissing that perfection with her own imperfection.

Nothing. Nothing would keep her from trying with all her might to set him straight.

She tripped, her head struck the ground, her brain rattled against her amp and she felt her whole body suddenly burst with an uncontrolled flare of biotic energy.

She was stunned, momentarily, but she heard it.

 _Shepard_ , _get up_.

He was still _speaking_ inside her mind, his voice still held that silent whispered promise from the night before she died, before their world was torn apart by Cerberus.

She felt her aching, tired body renew its fight for survival.

She had to survive this, had to make the jump to the Normandy.

She had to hear his words again and find her place by his side once more.

She leaped.


End file.
